Forgiveness seems almost impossible sometimes. The Oxford English dictionary states that the definition of forgive is "to stop feeling angry with someone who has done something to harm, annoy, or upset you; to stop feeling angry with yourself." Forgiveness is a verb, which means that it's an action word. To…
No matter what your age, whether you're 13, 33 or 83, you've been hurt by someone. Sometimes you've been hurt by a friend, sibling, romantic partner, parent or child. Maybe they (he/she/them) acted out of selfishness, greed, anger, insensitivity, or...maybe they don't even realize they hurt you. Either way,…
Causing Disappointment For Others It’s a fact of life; sometimes we will make decisions or do things that will disappoint others. It’s unavoidable, but as Mel Robbins says, “the fact that they will be disappointed should never be the reason that you don’t do something that is aligned with your values.” …
You Might Ask "Should I End A Relationship?" Well ladies (and possibly gentlemen), it's been a week! I had to end a relationship. Ending a relationship has some fallouts, but it can also give you direction, freedom, happiness and a fresh start. Whether you ponder ending a love relationship,…
You Are Worthy~
As women, we’ve been taught that our value comes from how we treat, and how we take care of other people. It’s not wrong to be good to people, but other people shouldn’t be your #1 priority. If you don’t take care of you, if you don’t nurture you, then you have nothing to give to anyone. You are your #1 priority. Do you value yourself? Do you think you’re worthy?
What stops you from doing what is best for you? Are you more concerned with pleasing someone else than pleasing yourself? If so, why? Maybe someone tells you what they think is best for you. Maybe someone tries to convince you that you shouldn’t do something that you really want to do. I’ve been that someone. Ask my kids. I’m now making long overdue changes. If you’re more concerned with pleasing someone else than pleasing yourself, you may be causing yourself undue anxiety. You’re trying to tell your brain to be someone who you’re not, while your heart and soul is trying to be you.
Value YOUR Opinion
Do not let how you value yourself, come from other people’s opinions of you! That may be difficult if you’ve always valued your mom’s opinion of you, more than you value your own sense of self. Or maybe you just follow along with what your friends think and do, rather than deciding for yourself what is right or wrong for you. When I say you should value your own opinion more than someone else’s, I’m not saying to disobey parents, disobey laws, or write your own rules at work…I’m saying that you need to know who you are. I found these interesting questions that Tony Robbins, author and public speaker, asks people;
- Which parent did you crave love from the most? (NOT who do you love the most).
- What did you have to do to get that love, approval and attention from that parent?
Food for thought. How does that affect our behaviour? Watch his YouTube video about how not to let other people’s opinions affect you.
How do you value yourself when you’re feeling bad, sad, frustrated, scared, anxious or depressed? Let me ask you something; do you enjoy your own company? Are you happy with your body? Do you treat yourself well, with good habits such as healthy eating, good sleeping and excercise habits? Whether yes or no, are you accepting of yourself or are you overly critical of yourself? When you feel empty or lost, look inside yourself first. Honour yourself. Take care of yourself.
Why is it so hard for us to really love ourselves? We’re not born hating ourselves. Self hate is a learned behaviour. I am often reminded of this by my beautiful and smart daughters. We learn it by seeing and hearing others speak badly about themselves. Listen to me; You are not ugly, you are not stupid, you are not a bad person.
Change the way you think, feel and speak about yourself. We may not realize how many times a day we put ourselves down. Would you criticize or put down your best friend or a child as often as you put yourself down? We need to learn how and why to do nice things for ourselves. Self love is a big trend right now. But is it really a trend? Or does it just simply make sense? Every person needs quiet time for him/herself. You need it to re-fuel, to contemplate life, to dream and plan. Your quiet time might be during a walk in nature, doing yoga, or an intense workout, enjoying a warm, candle-lit bath, or whatever makes you feel pampered. We have to learn to think and speak loving thoughts about ourselves.
Can’t Do Self Love?
But what if you’re not in a good place emotionally right now? Try a different approach. If you can’t express love to yourself, what about logic, admitting that you’re good at your job, or you’re a dependable friend, or a responsible pet owner? This will open the door to you discovering that self love. Years ago, I found a quote and taped it to my mirror so I would see it every day. It said “What you think about, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” I read that quote every day. I believed it then and I believe it now.
FOCUS ON THE FUTURE~
Oprah Winfrey says “Your goal in life should be to fulfill your vision and live your best life.” The best way to do that and the most important thing you can do in life is to know who you are! You owe it to yourself to find your dream and go after it, but you’ll have to work hard, it won’t just drop in your lap. You can do damn near anything you want to do, but don’t get sidetracked by people pleasing. If you want to become a doctor, lawyer, scientist, law-maker, police officer, artist, construction worker, entertainer, office manager, retail salesperson, or a stay-at-home mom, put your all into it. Just make sure it’s your dream. And don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t follow your dream.
Find And Follow Your Passion
Warren Buffett has a great philosophy about life. He believes that “Every life is of equal value” and his advice is invaluable. When asked about how to find your dream job, he says “don’t sleepwalk through life working at some job you hate. You want to find or create a job that you would take if you didn’t need a job.” Read that again.
He believes that if you want to be happy in your work, find and follow your passion. If you do, you will work with passion, it won’t feel like work, and that will bring the money and the life you desire. You will encounter difficulties but don’t be moved from your dream. What if you fail? Do it again. Learn from your experiences. If you give up now, you’ll never know who you can be. Don’t give up! You are able to -and I encourage you to- chase your career goals, earn the big paycheque, devote your time and talents to your job, to achieve personal fulfillment doing what you want to do, not necessarily what parents, friends or guidance counsellors suggest is “right” for you. Never let other people’s opinions and comments over-ride what you feel is right for you.
If you’re afraid to go for your dream, generally, it’s because of fear. Fear of failure, Fear of success, Fear of judgement. Here’s a great quote from Will Smith (actor, rapper, film producer). “God placed the best things in life on the other side of terror. On the other side of your maximum fear are the best things in life.” My dear, sweet neighbour Christina Tischler followed her dream of creating hand stamped stainless steel jewellery. She does beautiful work. You can find her on Facebook, Instagram (@christinatischler) and on her WordPress site, christinatischler.com. This is what you can do if you set your mind to it. Watch her video titled My Process. She has several beautiful videos. She sets a beautiful and strong example for her children and other women.
If your ideas are too big for someone to understand or support, do not allow their fear of change to hold you back. Their opinions do not deserve that space in your mind. It is so important for me to get young ladies and women to understand this; stop trying to live your life according to other people’s expectations. If someone doesn’t “approve” of the changes and improvements you want to make, that’s their problem, not yours. They are afraid of what it will mean for the relationship between the two of you.
*UPDATE* Just as I was about to post this, my neighbour whom I mentioned in Change Your New Year’s Resolution informed me she just completed her first music lesson. Go Denise! See everyone? Just take that first step!
Thank you for reading. Check back every Sunday for my next post. Carol Paino~Parts Of Ourselves
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